別眨眼網

這是一篇關於如何經營人脈的演講。如果您以開放的心態聆聽，並嘗試做出一點點改變，一定會有所收穫！

日常生活中我們習慣待在自己的舒適圈，每天與親人、朋友膩在一起。好的人脈圈需要跳出舒適圈，主動與他人連線和產生聯絡。人脈圈是用心經營的結果：首先，要篩選有價值的人，同時自己必須有價值，雙方優勢互補。一方有資源或平臺，一方有能力創造價值。第二，主動尋找情景建立連線，找到和對方的共同點以及對方的關注點，為對方提供價值。第三，建立互動，把幫助變成交易，把交易變成夥伴。

識別人脈貴人，這些貴人也許能幫助你增長見識，幫你規劃人生，給你的大氣賦能，打破固化思維，提高你認知，帶你進入優質圈子一起賺錢。這些正能量、有智慧的人也許一句話、一件事就能改變你的人生軌跡。一個好的人脈關係，是從讓對方收益開始的，同時也是相互提供價值的過程。

影片連結：

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17 years ago， And sometimes I run into my students years later。 And when I run into them， a funny thing happens。 I don‘t remember just their faces。 I also remember where exactly the classroom they were sitting。 And I also remember who they were sitting with as well。 And this is not because I have any special superpowers of memory， The reason I can remember them is because they are creatures of habit。 They are sitting with the favorite people in their favorite seats。 They find their twins， they stay with them for the whole year。 17年前，有時會在幾年後遇到以前教過的學生。當我遇到他們時，有個很有意思的現象。我不僅記得他們的臉，也還記得他們坐在教室的確切位置。我也記得他們和誰坐在一起。這並不是因為我有什麼特殊的超能力，我之所以能記住他們是因為他們都是跟著習慣走的人。總會和最喜歡的人坐在他們最喜歡的座位上。他們會找到形影不離的夥伴，然後一整年都和他呆在一起。

Now， the danger of this for my student is they’re at risk of leaving the university with just a few people who are exactly like them。 They‘re going to squander their chance for an international， diverse network。 How could this happen to them？ My students are open-minded。 They come to business school precisely so that they can get great networks。 他們這樣做是有風險的，當學生們離開大學步入社會。他們可能只認識很少的人，並且還與他們很像，他們會浪費掉接觸國際化、多元化關係網的機會。這是如何發生的呢？我的學生思想開放，他們來商學院正是為了擴大社交圈子。

Now all of us socially narrow in our lives， in our school， in work。 And so I want you to think about this one。 How many of you here brought a friend along for this talk？ And I want you to look at your friend a little bit， and are they of the same nationality as you？ Are they of the same gender as you？ Are they of the same race and really look at them closely？ Don’t they kind of look like you as well？ The muscle people are together and the people of the same hairstyles and the checked shirts。 We all do this in life。 We all do it in life。 And in fact， there‘s nothing wrong with this。 It makes us comfortable to be around people who are similar。 我們所有人的社交圈子都很有限，在生活中，學校裡，在工作中如此。所以我希望大家考慮一下這個問題。你們當中有多少人帶著朋友一起來聽講座？我希望你看看身邊的朋友，他們與你是否國籍相同？是否性別相同？與你的種族是否相同？仔細好好觀察他們，他們看起來是不是也有點像你？身體強壯的在一起，髮型相似的人在一起，穿著差不多襯衫的人在一起。我們在生活中都是這樣。事實上，這樣做並沒有什麼錯。和相似的人在一起讓我們感到很舒服。

The problem is when we’re on a precipice， right？ When we‘re in trouble， when we need new ideas， when we need new a jobs， when we need new resources—— This is when we really pay a price for living in a clique。 Mark Granovetter， the sociologist， he had a famous paper “The strength of weak Ties。” And what he did in this papers is he asked people how they got their job jobs。 And what he learned was that most people don’t get their jobs through their strong ties—there father， their mother， their significant other。 They instead get jobs through weak ties， people who they just met。 問題是當我們遇到困難時怎麼辦？當我們陷入困境時，需要新的想法，當我們想要新工作時，或是需要新的資源。這就是我們為小圈子生活付出代價的時候。社會學家馬克·格拉諾維特有一篇著名的論文叫做«弱關係的力量»。他在這篇論文中詢問人們是如何找到工作的，他從中瞭解到大多數人得到工作並不是透過關係緊密的人，例如父親，母親或伴侶。相反，他們透過弱關係，即他們剛認識的人來獲得工作。

So if you think about what the problem is with your strong ties， think about your significant other， for example， the network is redundant， everybody that they know， you know， or I hope you know them， right？ Your weak ties——people you just bet today—— they are your ticket to a whole new social world。 The thing is that we have this amazing ticket to travel our social worlds， but we don‘t use it very well。 Sometimes we stay awfully close to home。 And today what I want to talk about is： what are those habits that keep human being so close to home？ And how can we be a little bit more intentional about traveling our social universe？ 因此思考一下你和身邊最重要的人，比如你的伴侶之間出了什麼問題，這種人際網路是多餘的，他們認識的每個人你也都認識，我希望你也認識他們，對吧？與你關係不緊密的人今天剛見過的人，他們才是你開啟社交大門的通行證。事實上我們都有這張通行證，但我們並沒有很好地利用它。有時我們與家庭成員異常接近。今天我想說的是，那些讓人類如此戀家的習慣是什麼？我們如何能更積極地對待社交圈子這件事？

So let’s look at the first strategy。 The first strategy is to use a more imperfect social search engine。 And what I mean by a social search engine。 This is how you are finding and filtering your friends。 Okay？ And so people always tell me，” I want to get lucky through the network。 I want to get new job。 I want to get a great opportunity。” And I say，” well， that‘s really hard because your networks are so fundamentally predictable， “map out your habitual daily foot path。 讓我們來看看第一個策略。第一個策略是使用不完美的社交搜尋引擎。我所說的社交搜尋引擎，指的是你如何找到和篩選你的朋友。所以人們總是告訴我，我想透過社交獲得好運，我想找一份新工作，我想得到一個很棒的機會。我說，好吧，這真的很難，因為你的社交圈子根本上是可預測的，詳細列出你一天的軌跡。

And what you’ll probably discover is that you can start at home， you go to your school or your workplace， you maybe go up the same staircase or elevator。 You go to the bathroom， the same bathroom， and the same stall in that bathroom。 You end up in the gym， then you come right back home。 It‘s like stops on a train schedule。 It’s that predictable。 It‘s efficient。 你可能會發現每天從家裡出發，去你的學校或工作場所，你可能會走同樣的樓梯或電梯。你去同樣的洗手間，同樣的隔間，最後你會去健身房，然後你回到家。這就像火車停靠站點一樣，完全可以預測，它很有效率。

But the problem is that you’re seeing exactly the same people， Make your network slightly more inefficient， go to a bathroom on a different floor。 You encounter a whole new network of people。 The other side of it is how we are actually filtering。 And we do this automatically。 The minute we meet someone， we are looking at them， we meet them。 We are initially seeing。 You‘re interesting， you’re not interesting， you‘re relevant。 We do this automatically。 We can’t even help it。 And what I want to encourage you to do instead is to fight your filters。 I want you to take a look around this room， and I want you to identify the least interesting person that you see。 但問題是，你見到的是完全相同的人，這讓你的人際網路不太高效，去不同樓層的洗手間。你會遇到從來沒有遇見的人。另一方面是我們實際上也在篩選。我們會自動篩選。當我們遇到某人的時候，會先打量一番，透過第一眼觀察。便會判斷這人很有趣，這人很無聊，這人用得著。我們會自動開始篩選，根本無法控制。我想鼓勵你們對抗這種篩選機制。我希望你環視這個房間，找出你看到的最無趣的人。

And I want you to connect with them over the next coffee break。 And I want you to go even further than that。 What I want you to do is to find the most irritating person you see as well and connect with them。 What you are doing with this exercise is you are forcing yourself， you‘re forcing yourself to see what you don’t want to see， to connect with who you don‘t want to connect with， to widen your social world， to truly widen。 What we have to do is we’ve got to fight our sense of choice。 We‘ve got to fight our choices and my students hate this， but you know what I do， I won’t let them sit in their favorite seats。 I moved them around from seat to seat。 I force them to work with different people so that there are more accidental bumps in the network where people get a chance to connect with each other。 我想讓你在下一次喝咖啡休息的時候和他們認識一下，我希望你能更進一步，找到那個讓你看上去覺得最令人討厭的人，跟他認識一下系。這項練習是強迫你自己，強迫自己去觀察你不想看到的東西，去認識那些你不想認識的人，這樣就拓寬你的社交圈子。如果想要真正擴大你的圈子，我們必須對抗我們的感覺，對抗讓你做出選擇的感覺，我的學生都很討厭這樣做，但你知道我會怎麼做的嗎，我不讓讓他們坐在自己最喜歡的座位上，我讓他們換其他位置坐，我迫使他們和不同的人坐在一起，這樣在社交圈中出現了更多的意外碰撞，透過這些碰撞人們有機會認識彼此。

And we studied exactly this kind of an intervention at Harvard University， and at Harvard。 When you look at the rooming groups， there‘s freshman rooming groups。 People are not choosing those roommates。 They are of all different races， all different ethnicity。 Maybe people are initially uncomfortable with those roommates。 But the amazing thing is， at the end of a year with those students， they’re able to overcome that initial discomfort。 They‘re able to find deep-level commonality with people。 So the takeaway here is not just “take someone out to coffee。” It’s a little more subtle。 It‘s “go to the coffee room。“ when researchers talk about social hubs。 What makes a social hub so special is you can’t choose， you can‘t predict who you’re going to meet in that place。 我們在哈佛大學對這種干預方法進行了研究。在哈佛你觀察室友群體時，大一新生並不選擇自己的室友，他們來自不同的種族，不同的民族。許多人最初對這些室友感到不舒服，但令人驚訝的是，在與這些學生相處一年後，他們能夠克服最初的不適，他們能夠找到與其他人深層次的共同點。這裡的關鍵不只是帶某人出去喝咖啡。更微妙一點，他們會去咖啡廳。研究者談論社交中心時認為，社交中心的特殊之處，在於你無法選擇，你無法預測你在那個地方會遇到誰。

And so with these social hubs， the paradox is， interestingly enough to get randomness。 It requires actually some planning。 In one university that I worked at。 There was a mail room on every single floor。 What that meant is that the only people who would bump into each other are those who are actually on that floor and who are bumping into each other anyway。 在這裡一個有趣的悖論是，要想達到隨機性，實際上需要一些規則。在我曾經工作過的一所大學裡，這實際上需要一些規劃。每層樓都有一間收發室，這意味著在那裡遇到的人都工作在同一層樓，他們透過其他方式也總能遇到。

At another university I worked at， there was only one mail room。 And so all the faculty from all over that building would run into each other in that social hub。 A simple change in planning a huge difference in the traffic of people and the accidental bumps of the network。 在另一所我曾經工作的大學只有一間收發室，因此全樓的教職員工都會在這個小中心遇到彼此，只是在規劃上做一個小的改變，就會帶來人員流動的巨大差異，也會帶來社交圈中意外的碰撞。

And here‘s my question for you： what are you doing that breaks you from your social habits？ Where do you find yourself in places where you get injections of unpredictable diversity？ Right？ And my students give me some wonderful examples。 They tell me when they’re doing pickup basketball games。 Or my favorite example is when they go to a dog park， they tell me it‘s even better than online dating when they’re there。 So the real thing that I want to think about is we‘ve got to fight our filters。 We’ve got to make ourselves a little more inefficient。 And by doing so ，we’re creating a more imprecise social search engine。 And you’re creating that randomness， that luck that is going to cause you to widen your travels， through your social universe。 but in fact， there‘s more to it than that。 Sometimes we actually， by ourselves， a second-class ticket to travel our social universe。 We are not courageous when we reach out to people。 問大家一個問題：為了改掉社交習慣，你做了哪些事情？你會去哪些地方，與各種各樣的人不期而遇，對嗎？我的學生給了我一些很好的例子，他們會去籃球場與陌生人打籃球。我最喜歡的一個想法是一些學生會去狗狗公園時，他們告訴我，當他們在那裡時，這甚至比網上約會更好。所以我需要你們思考的是，我們需要對抗自己的篩選機制，我們必須讓自己變得更沒有效率。這就產生了一個更不精確的社交搜尋引擎。你就創造力隨機性，還有那些好運氣，在結識更多人的過程中幫助你擴寬社交圈。但事實還不僅如此，有時候我們在結識他人的過程中，給自己一些不利的條件，我們還不夠勇敢去互動認識他人。

Let me give you an example of that。 讓我給你舉個例子：

A few years ago， I had a very eventful year。 That year I managed to lose a job， I managed to get a dream job overseas and accepted it。 I had a baby the next month， I got very sick， I was unable to take the dream job。 And so in a few weeks， what ended up happening was， I lost my identity as a faculty member， and I got a very stressful view identity as a mother。 And what I also got was tons of advice from people。 And the advice I despised more than any other advice was： you’ve got to go network with everybody。 when your psychological world is breaking down。 The hardest thing to do is to try and reach out and build up your social work。 幾年前的一個多事之秋。那一年，我辭掉了工作，我接受了一個夢寐以求的海外工作，下個月我懷孕了，非常虛弱。我無法從事那項工作。結果就是在幾周之後，我的教師的身份失去了，新的身份是一個充滿壓力的母親，我也從其他人那裡得到了大量的建議，在這些建議中我最鄙視的建議是，你的和每個人打打交道。當你內心世界瀕臨崩塌，最困難的事情就是嘗試，主動建立自己的社交圈。

And so we studied exactly this idea on a much larger scale。 What we did was we looked at high and low socioeconomic status people。 And we looked at them in two situations。 We looked at them first in a baseline condition， when they were comfortable。 And what we found was that our lower socioeconomic status people， when they were comfortable， they were actually reaching out to more people。 They thought of more people。 They were also less constrained in how they were networking。 They were thinking of more diverse people than the higher status people。 所以我們在更大的範圍內研究了這個觀點。我們研究了社會經濟地位高和低的人兩組人，將其置於兩種情況。我們首先以基準情況進行觀察，他們表現十分自如。之後我們發現，社會經濟地位較低的人，他們實際上會在接觸更多的人的時候感到更加自如，他們希望認識更多的人。相比於社會經濟地位更高的人群，地位低的人在結交朋友時也更放得開，他們想要接觸更多樣化的人群。

Then we ask them to think about maybe losing a job， we threaten them。 And once they thought about that， the networks they generated completely differed。 The lower socioeconomic status people reached inwards。 They thought of fewer people。 They thought of less-diverse people， the higher socioeconomic status people thought of more people， they thought of a broader network。 They were positioning themselves to bounce back from that setback。 Let‘s consider what this actually means。 Imagine that you were being spontaneously unfriended by everyone in your network， other than your mom， your dad and your dog。 然後我們讓他們考慮失去工作，以此作為一種威懾。一旦他們開始思考這一點，他們建立的社交網路完全不同，社會經濟地位較低的人不再接觸外界，他們會考慮更少的人，多元化的程度也降低。社會經濟地位較高的人，他們會考慮更多的人和更寬的社交圈，他們會認定自己能從挫折中恢復過來。讓我們思考一下這實際上意味著什麼。想象一下，你的社交圈裡所有人都與你解除友好關係，除了你的媽媽、爸爸和你的狗之外。

This is essentially what we are doing at these moments when we need our networks the most。 Imagine——this is what we’re doing。 We’re doing it to ourselves。 We are mentally compressing our networks when we are being harassed， when we are being bullied， when we are threatened about losing a job， when we feel down and weak， we are closing ourselves off， isolating ourselves， creating a blind spot where we actually don‘t see our resources。 We don’t see our allies， we don‘t see our opportunities。 How can we overcome this？ Two simple strategies？ One strategy is simply to look at your list of Facebook friends and Linkedin friends。 Just so you remind yourself of people who are there beyond those that automatically come to mind。 這基本上就是我們正在做的事情。當我們最需要朋友的時刻，想象一下這就是我們正在對自己做的事。我們在精神上壓制自己的關係網，當我們受到侵犯時，當我們被欺負時，當我們受到威脅失去工作時，當我們感到沮喪和虛弱時，我們在封閉了自己，孤立自己，產生了一個盲點，令我們看不到自己擁有的資源。我們看不到自己的盟友，看不到自己的機會。我們應該克服這一點。兩個簡單的策略，一種策略是簡單地檢視你的Facebook和Linkedin好友列表，提醒自己那些人在聯絡人列表裡而你自己卻沒想起來。

And in o1ur own research， one of the things we did was， we considered Claude Steals research on self-affirmation， simply thinking about your own values， networking from a place of strength， What Leigh Thompson， Hoon-Seok and I were able to do is， we found that people who had affirmed themselves first were able to take advice from people who would otherwise be threatening to them。 在我們自己的研究中，我們參照了克勞德·斯蒂爾在自我肯定方面的研究，即從優勢的角度思考你自己的價值關係網，雷恩·湯普森、崔洪熙和我發現，那些首先肯定自己的人能夠接受來自他人的建議，而不是把他們當成威脅。

Here’s the last exercise。 I want you to look in your email in-box。 And I want you to look at the last time you ask somebody for a favor and I want you to look at the language that you used。 Did you say things like， you‘re a great resource or I owe you one？ I’m obligated to you。 All of this language represents a metaphor。 It‘s a metaphor of economics， of a balance sheet， of accounting， of transactions。 And when we think about human relations in a transaction way， it is fundamentally uncomfortable to us as human beings。 We must think about human relations and reaching out to people in more humane ways。這是最後一個小練習。我想讓你看看自己的郵箱，看看你最後一次請求別人幫忙的時候，看一下你的措辭。你是不是提到，你真是太重要了，或者我欠你一個人情？我對你感激不盡。所有這些話都代表了一種寓意。這是一種經濟學的說法，像會計學裡的收支平衡表，是一種交易。當我們以交易的角度思考人類關係時，作為人類的我們會感到不舒服。我們必須以一種更人性的方式，去思考人類關係和他人交往。

And here’s an idea as to how to do so。 Look at words like ”please，”” thank you。”” You‘re welcome。” In other languages， look at the literal translation of these words。 Each of these words is a word that helps us impose upon other people in our social networks。 And so， the word，” thank you。” You look at it in Spanish， Italian， French，“gracias，”” grazie，”” merci，” in French。 Each of them are “grace” and “mercy。” They are godly words。 There’s nothing economic or transactional about those words。 The word “you‘re welcome” is interesting。 The great persuasion theorist Robert Cialdini says we got to get our favors back， so we need to emphasize the transaction a little bit more。 He says， let’s not say “you‘re welcome。” Instead say，” I know you do the same for me。” But sometimes it may be helpful to not think in transactional ways to eliminate the transaction， to make it a little bit more invisible。 給大家提供一個解決方法，那麼觀察其他語言像“請”“謝謝”“不客氣”等等詞彙。這些詞是如何表達的。這些詞都能幫助我們在社交網路中讓別人接受我們。所以謝謝這個詞。用在西班牙語，義大利語，法語中分別是Grass Gracie，Mercy，Mercy，用法語，他們都是神聖的單詞。這些詞語沒有經濟交易的含義。不客氣這個詞很有趣。偉大的說服理論家羅伯特·科拉迪尼說，我們需要別人能對我們的幫助以回報，因此我們會稍微帶上一點交易色彩。他表示我們不要說 不客氣，改成說，我知道你也會這樣對我的。但有時，不以交易的角度思考，把交易的意味沖淡一些，會更有幫助。

And in fact if you look in Chinese， the word “bu ke qi” in Chinese， “you’re welcome，” means don‘t be formal。 We’re family。 We don‘t need to go through those formalities。 and “Kembali” in Indonesian is “Come back to me。” When you say “you’re welcome” next time， think about how you can maybe sometimes eliminate the transaction and instead strengthen that social tie。 Maybe” it‘s great to collaborate，” or “that’s what friends are for。” 事實上，如果參考中文，“You’re welcome”意思是“不客氣”。意思是我們是自家人，用不著客套。在印度尼西亞語中 不客氣kembali意思是再來找我。當你下次說You’re welcome的時候，想想你如何消除這種交易的感覺，從而設法加強這種社交聯絡，也許換成與你合作愉快，這是朋友應該做的會更好。

I want you to think about how you think about this ticket that you have to travel your social universe。 Here‘s one metaphor。 It’s a common metaphor。 Life is a journey， It‘s a train， And you’re on this train， your passenger on the train， and there‘s certain people with you。 我想讓大家可以思考一下你擁有的，開啟人際網路大門的鑰匙。這裡有一個比喻。這是一個常見的比喻，說的生命是一段旅行，它是一次火車之旅，如果你是列車上的乘客，和一些人一起旅行。

Certain people get on this train and some stay with you， some leave that different stops， new ones may enter。 I love this metaphor， it’s a beautiful one， but I want you to consider a different metaphor。 This one is passive being a passenger on that train， and it‘s quite linear。 You’re off to some particular destination。 Why not？ Instead think of yourself as an atom， bumping up against other atoms， maybe transferring energy with them， bonding with them a little， and maybe creating something new on your travels through the social universe。 Thank you so much！And I hope we bump into each other again！ 有些人會乘上這趟列火車，有些人會陪著你，有些人會在不同車站離開，新的人可能會上車。我喜歡這個比喻，這是一個美好的比喻。但我希望你能思考另一個比喻，因為這個比喻太被動了，作為列車的乘客，你的軌跡太單調了，你會在某個特定的地點下車。為什麼不把你自己想象成一個原子，在社交的宇宙中與其他原子碰撞，也許與它們傳遞能量，與它們建立親密聯絡，甚至創造出新的東西。非常感謝！我希望我們能碰到彼此！